Samsung: They were bending it wrong

BEND-GHAZHI

Would you deploy the Galaxy S6 in a BEND-erprise environment?


Someone whispered too loud at nap-time
Someone whispered too loud at nap-time

 

Samsung mobile went into full damage control mode after SquareTrade blue falconed their S6/Edge pre-order roll-out week. I’m sure many pre-order customers feel bent-over about the whole thing.

On the bright side...it's not bent...yet
On the bright side…it’s not bent…yet

SquareTrade released a bombshell on the Galaxy S6 Edge, labeling the device a catastrophic failure at 110 pounds of force in a bend-test. This came on the heels of a pre-order QC failure that unraveled in a viral forum thread, consisting of damaged screens from excessive scratching.

There was proof of yellowing screen tint due to adhesive discoloration, and also GPU artifacting issues under no stress condition. There was no way to rectify that situation as photo after photo and video clip after video clip comparison showed fail after fail.

Samsung rewarded people who gave them $1k, with defective, albeit cosmetic, technology, and something tells me it’s not even close to being over. You can catch that bend-test here, and the XDA resolution thread here, and the original discovery here.

History

The bend test became popular after the release of the iPhone 6 Plus. The disinformation campaign that followed claiming the structural integrity of the iPhone 6 Plus was due to a defective design because of the damage caused by pocket storage in the pants of customers who probably liked food just as much as they liked their iPhone.

Only 9 iDevices were defective, but that didn’t stop the ensuing snowball on Internet memes, and comments about how Steve Jobs wouldn’t have allowed this to happen.

How Samsung didn’t learn from History

In Bend-test version 2.0 the iPhone 6 Plus returnd to defend its Bend-Gate crown against 2 worthy contenders: HTC One M9 and  Galaxy S6 edge.

Unfortunately, the iPhone could not match the level of fail produced by the HTC One M9, nor the fail produced by the Edge when subject to a paltry 110 lbs. of force, which isn’t great in comparison to the iPhone but more than respectable when contrasting the HTC One, which failed-at-first-bend.

Then it really got stupid.

Samsung released their own internal testing mechanism based on Square’s methodology. However, Samsung felt compelled to alter the parameters. This was not only foolish because it makes them look deceptive, but their scientific justification and reasoning behind the changes smacks of so much stupid that it is impossible to bend your mind around it.

In their video, which is played in over speed ala Benny Hill style,  they mumble something about pencils…specifically 5 wooden pencils, and somehow feel comfortable that they just convinced you that the S6 and Edge are like 5 wooden pencils. Since 5 wooden pencils break at 79 lbs of force, they conclude that as long as their handsets don’t bend before the 5 pencils break, then everything is just fine.


Let’s  recap the events and the claims up to this point:

  • Bend-Test video created by infamous SquareTrade shows the S6 Edge fails at 110 lbs

  • Samsung reacts by teaching people the Law of the 5 pencils in their own video

  • Samsung says the S6/Edge are just like the 5 wooden pencils.

  • Samsung breaks 5 wooden pencils

  • Samsung attempts to bend phones, but stop the test where 5 wooden pencils break, ~79 lbs.


The level of production in their video is very patronizing.  From the 1980’s rock and roll guitar, to the ‘Beep of Danger!’ Sound effects as the pressure sensor indicator closes to the 80 lb mark.

I had to watch the video 3 times before I understood what was going on. The first time all I got out of it was Korean pencils are pretty expensive.  The second time I watched it I was distracted by the level of jackassery that the ‘Beep of Danger!’ post production effects add to the video.

By the end of my 3rd consumption, I finally understood:

They are trying to bend me over.

I realized they are trying to inform me that their phones don’t bend at ~79 lbs.  My internal response to that effort was:

No **** Sherlock. They fail at 110lbs. I am cognizant of this because I just watched a not-Benny Hill video that demonstrated that very fact, and they did it without ‘The Beep of Danger!’

I can’t comment on whether or not Samsung tests were more strenuous on the structural integrity of the S6/Edge than Square was. I’ll be the first to admit that I went to public school, but I do have a firm grasp on the concept of “Which number is bigger?” However, I am ashamed that I still cannot figure  out the concept of the 5 wooden pencils and their correlation to cellular phones. I will have to come to terms with fact that I probably never will, and must somehow find peace in accepting that I was simply not meant to understand the magical ways of technology.

On a lighter note, sources close to imthemobile.guru agreed that when analyzing the video, that Samsung believes there must be something of value that the beeping noise created when displaying the pressure sensor indicator. I immediately recognized it was the “Beep of Danger!” and my colleagues agree.

It was in fact the ‘Beep of Danger!’

 


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