Did you know you can make a super sparkly Christmas decoration with Apple stuff you already own? I started doing this a few years ago. It does require some knowledge of physics. The really complicated rules of physics. Rules like gravity. But with some luck and a little help from me…themobileguru, you will have an Apple Network Snowman up and…Snowmanning…in very little time.
Here we go:
First, we must find common ground on what a snow’man’ really is. Keep in mind it doesn’t have to be a ‘man’. Feminists can have an Apple Snow-woman if they choose. To be honest, this project doesn’t include documentation to the level of specificity that gender is even relevant. I call it a ‘snowman’ because it is difficult for me to spell ‘snow-woman’ due to auto-correct. I am not lying about this. I went to public school.
To avoid impropriety, we need to call it a snow something. If we are too nondescript and call it a ‘snow thing’, some people might take that literally…and the last thing we want are juvenile men building snowthings and leaving them around the house. Worse, they will get placed behind cats while they are eating.
Similar to the traditional ‘Snowman’, the Apple networking snowman has 3 main parts.
- A Base
- A middle
- A top
These are defined in the order of which they are placed.
Like me, you probably already have the components that will comprise the base, middle and top already lying around the house…and they are already observing the law of gravity.
- A TimeCapsule
- An AirPort Extreme base station
- An AirPort base station.
Cut a hole in a box
Observing the law of gravity:
- Place the TimeCapsule on a flat surface.
- Place the AirPortExtreme on the TimeCapsule
- Place the AirPort base station on the AirPort Extreme
These steps must be completed with the last generation Apple networking equipment. I haven't tested the methodology with the latest Gen. Theoretically it would work, but it might look odd.
So far, you should be doing just fine. As long as you have used the correct components in the order which I have described and you observed the laws of physics required to complete the project to this point, you should have something similar to this:
Getting Fancy: Snowmanization
Now that we have the infrastructure deployed, we need to place a few other things on the snowman to make the project complete. You might be able to get away with leaving it here…just as it sits. Apple probably wouldn’t appreciate the inattention to detail, Steve (RIP) and Jony most certainly would not. So we need to re-appropriate some items from nature and from some old Christmas decorations you probably already have: Like that little snowman your kid made from cloth at school a few years ago…and a couple of twigs from the tree outside.
You can make this part as fun as you want. You could put on a ninja suit and go outside making karate sounds as break off twigs from the tree. Just use caution. Your neighbors might call the cops. (Yes, I know ninjas don’t make noise, wear suits or use karate. It is the irony behind the act that makes it fun.)
Place the twigs to the left and right of the AirPort Base station.
Now, find that snowman decoration your kid made. It’s probably old and doesn’t even get placed on the tree anymore. With some modification it can be repurposed for this project. I would not advise modifying it in the presence of the child that created it. But hey…who am I to tell you what to do?
Carefully, deliberately and….slooooooowly tear off its head. Some of you will naturally want to do this quickly…but where is the fun in that? Make sound effects as you see fit, and then place the decapitated head on the top of the AirPort base station. As long as you have observed gravity, you should have something similar to this:
To make things really awesome, we will need to arrange the infrastructure on the horizontal plane to give it the dimension we need. Do this by sliding the AirPort Extreme relative north. You will need to take caution in this because unless you place something underneath it, gravity is going to laugh at you. Trust me. Do the same with the AirPort base station at the top:
If you liked this, please share it with other folks who you think might like to have an Apple snowman in their home as well. I typed this entire tutorial singing this song.
I love Christmas. But more than that, I love the reason behind the season.
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