Luke vs iPhone

Hey Android Fanboy | iPhones vs. Luke Rockhold

4 iPhones were murdered in the making of this film

Luke vs iPhone
HADOOOKEN!

Lovers of the Goog are going to love this. I’m pretty sure that if you are an Android zealot but don’t know who Luke Rockhold is you are about to become a fan…big-time.

Who is Luke Rockhold?

iPhone choker
Tap to hear iPhone choke

 

If you aren’t a sports fan you probably don’t know who Rockhold is. Hailing from San Jose, the 185 lb. 6’3, Brazilian Jiu-Jutsu black belt is currently the UFC #1 ranked middle-weight. He has 14 wins, 3 by KO and 9 by submission. He holds 2 Gold medals in US Men’s Submission grappling in the Mundials and has been kicking people’s ass professionally since 2007.

 

Luke has one hell of a roundhouse, and he chokes people for a living. When I say choke I don’t mean grab you by your skinny neck and shake it a little and then release so you can gasp for air and cry for your Mom. He will choke you until you tap-out (if you are smart). If you aren’t, then he will choke you until you pass-out. MMA is a highly competitive but unorthodox sport, but has become¬†more popular over time with the inclusion of a few rules. It is just as violent as boxing and football, but has not become as main stream. The competitors use unorthodox methods to win. Choking, kicking, knees to the face, hyper-extending joints to the point of breaking…and they do break, although this is not the intended result.

Why did Square Trade go from bending to kicking/choking phones?

I have pondered this in advance. It is quite perplexing why an outfit like Square, who has built a reputation on scientific measure using a lab with¬†¬†precision tools would choose to deviate from their very¬†popular and widely accepted result. I have a theory other than, ‘People love to hate the iPhone’, even though it is the easy answer. iHaters¬†gain¬†emotional satisfaction¬†when watching iStuff getting shot, stabbed, boiled in Coke, blowtorched, baked, drowned, dropped, skewered, crushed, react to molten metal and otherwise abused. I’ll admit I enjoy it as well.

But¬†Square Trade did decide¬†to bring¬†unorthodox methodology to ¬†durability testing and¬†industrial design of consumer electronics¬†to take it to the next level. They are the decider. So it was a no-brainer for them to ask Luke Rockhold to assist them.¬†Square Trade is the ‘Bend Test’ labs that puts physical stress on consumer devices to see how durable they are. I have covered a few stories featuring Square Trade, mostly due to the impact they have had on OEM’s operating in the mobile landscape. OEM’s like Apple, Samsung and HTC. There was ‘Bend-Gate’, ‘Bend-Gate II’ and ‘Bend-ghazi’¬†Square Trade helped set the mobile industry in a tizzy when the rumor that the iPhone 6 Plus was spontaneously bending in people’s pants. This news launched a media firestorm and a dog pile on Apple quality ensued. It wasn’t until they decided ¬†to do a competitive bend test between the HTC M9, ¬†Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge and the iPhone 6 Plus¬†that the Korean dogs of ‘what the?’ hell were unleashed, foul was cried and history was made.

 


 

Bendgate II Result:

iPhone 6 Plus:

  • Bent @ 110 lbs
  • Catastrophic failure @ 179 lbs

HTC One M9:

  • Bent @ 120 lbs
  • Catastrophic failure @ 120 lbs

Samsung Galaxy s6 edge:

  • Bent @ 110¬†lbs (display shatter)
  • Catastrophic failure @ 149¬†lbs

Causality

After Square Trade showed the epic design fail of the HTC M9 which wouldn’t even power on after being slightly bent and then proved how structurally weak the Galaxy s6 Edge was and discovered the poor quality of the display as it cracked when it bent, Samsung went into full damage control mode and released a video of their own. In an overproduced video short using background music from an off-Broadway musical adopted from a B-rated Bollywood rendition of the hit TV series ‘Get Smart’, Samsung released footage of Samsung bending the Samsung s6 edge using a 3-point bent test. But before they got to the bending, they felt compelled to explain to the audience how they arrived at the science behind their methodology.

Samsuck crazy
He could break 4 pencils, but not 5.

Samsung¬†began by explaining that a cell phone was about the size of a pack of black ‘2B’ wooden pencils. This has been coined, ‘Law of the 5 pencils.’ The video is so excruciating to watch, it doesn’t surprise me at all that Square Trade switched it up a little. Perhaps they thought that if they got an MMA fighter to be the environment for the test, Samsung would have to reciprocate by getting also someone who kicks and chokes people for a living to beat the hell out of their phones in protest.

That would be cool…

Am I wrong?

Samsung copies everything that is cool. They imitate other people’s designs, you can see the Android influence in Tizen. From wearables to handsets to tablets to portable computers…their product design and functionality come from the great things that other OEM’s do first or better. It’s smart, it’s lazy and it’s obviously profitable as they are the undisputed Queen of Android.

Let’s get rrrready to rrrrrummmble!

Lets just get right to it, shall we? Ladies and Gents:

Luke Skylar Rockhold

VS

iPhone 6 | iPhone 6 Plus

iPhone 6s | iPhone 6s Plus

 

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